just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
