remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
