just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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