Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
