that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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