wanna go halves on a baby?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
