Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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