Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
