WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
