R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
