I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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