me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
