I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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