A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
