yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
