Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
