you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My ass is underappreciated
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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