It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
