This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
