Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
