The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
