he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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