Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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