i may or may not be watching the land before time
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
