omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
