DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
