Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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