I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
