Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
