i just wanna soil my oats bro
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
