Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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