I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
