She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
