On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
