I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
