My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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