Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
