apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
