We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
