Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
