I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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