I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
