I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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