Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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