You're my little dorito
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
