Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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