She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it's like iHOP with fire
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
