Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
