I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
