This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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