i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
