i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
