i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
