The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Randomize
