Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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