at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
