I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
